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He Wins, She Wins: Learning the Art of Marital Negotiation

He Wins, She Wins: Learning the Art of Marital Negotiation

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Every conflict in your marriage is an opportunity to fall more deeply in love.

You've probably heard a lot of advice on how to resolve conflicts in your marriage. What you may not know is that if a resolution comes only in order to keep the peace, it's no resolution at all. Marriage expert Willard F. Harley, Jr., says there's a better way.

What's different about the He Wins, She Wins approach is the ultimate goal--for you and your spouse to grow in your love for each other. This win-win model for negotiation starts with a simple rule: Never do anything without an enthusiastic agreement between you and your spouse.

Think that sounds impossible? In this book, Dr. Harley will show you how it's been done in his marriage of over fifty years--and in the marriages of the thousands of couples he's counseled. He'll explain the art of marital negotiation, show you how to resolve common conflicts the right way, and help you overcome these common obstacles:

  • emotional reactions are preventing calm discussion
  • neither of you wants to talk about an issue
  • one or both of you are indecisive
  • one of you is happy with the status quo
  • being enthusiastic about anything doesn't seem possible

And above all, he'll show you how every decision you make together will increase your love for each other.


Table of Contents
  • Introduction
Part 1   The Art of Marital Negotiation
  1. Identifying the Problem
  2. Men and Women Need Each Other
  3. Why Win-Lose Doesn't Work
  4. A Win-Win Strategy
  5. Negotiators, Take Your Places
  6. Exceptions to the Rule
Part 2   Resolving Common Marital Conflicts with Negotiation
  1. Conflicts over Friends and Relatives
  2. Conflicts over Career Requirements and Time Management
  3. Conflicts over Financial Management
  4. Conflicts over Children
  5. Conflicts over Sex
Part 3   Common Problems with Marital Conflict Resolution
  1. How to Negotiate When You Are Emotional
  2. How to Negotiate When No One Wants to Raise the Issue
  3. How to Negotiate When You Are Indecisive
  4. How to Negotiate When Doing Nothing Is What One Spouse Wants
  5. How to Negotiate When You're Not enthusiastic
  6. Putting Your Skills to Work
Appendix A: Marital Negotiation Worksheet
Appendix B: Emotional Needs Questionnaire
Appendix C: Love Busters Questionnaire

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